When Helping Becomes About Us: A Therapist’s Reflection on True Service
Have you ever read something that made you think for days after you read it? This was recent for me. When I read Henri Nouwen’s The Wounded Healer, one question stopped me in my tracks:
“When I’m listening to someone, am I really serving them—or am I thinking about myself?”
As therapists, it’s easy to believe we’re always giving, always helping. And yes, serving others does feel good—it feeds our sense of purpose. But if I’m honest, when I’m busy, drained, or distracted, I catch myself slipping.
I often find myself in an overwhelmed state of mind that unintentionally shifts my way of serving others.
Instead of asking, “Who is this person, and how can I serve them?” I start thinking, “How does what they’re sharing connect to me?”
If we’re honest, it’s happened to the best of us. It doesn’t make us bad people; it’s just something that we must keep an eye out for when life gets a little crazy.
The Hidden Shift That Happens in Therapy
Therapists want to believe they are always giving. We often like to see ourselves as the helpers in this world who are kind, good listeners, and always ready to save the day.
However, there’s a subtle danger that comes along with that: serving can start to feed the ego instead of the client. The reality is, we can’t save everyone, we’re not always good listeners, and it’s important to acknowledge our humanness in that.
There have been times when I’ve found myself thinking: “How does this relate to me? How can I use this?” It was almost as if I forgot that the whole point is to truly listen and to cater to the needs of my client. But I’m human, and this hidden shift needs to be grasped quickly before it tumbles into disaster.
Why This Happens
Life happens. We get busy, distracted, and overwhelmed pretty quickly in this world. As practice owners, it’s even more inevitable as we are not only business owners, but we carry the weight of many heavy stories that our clients share with us on a daily basis. That is why it is so essential to stay in proximity to God at all times.
Lack of consistent prayer, self-care, and grounding practices can be the kickstart to this hidden shift of selfish thinking. When we don’t allow God to fill our cups, we are now trying to operate and serve from an empty cup, which never works out for anyone.
Ask yourself, have you been in God’s word? Have you been setting boundaries to make sure you don’t get too overwhelmed or put too much on your plate? Take a moment to really reflect on this.
The Cost of Serving from a Place of Depletion
Clients sense when we’re not fully present. Although they’re not therapists, it’s usually pretty noticeable when we’re not truly being listened to as humans. That, in turn, can sever a relationship severely and cause the other person to slowly back away.
When we’re not fully present, we miss opportunities for deeper connection. If our brains are constantly occupied with other things, especially when someone is sharing something deeply personal, we risk breaking that trust and safe space for our clients to feel safe enough to go deeper with us.
We risk burnout and disconnection from our calling. Yes, life gets hectic, but that is what makes it even more important to remain plugged into our source, Jesus Christ.
Returning to True Service
So, as we embark on returning to the essence of true service, it’s evident that we aim to re-center in prayer and self-care. God is our ultimate source of power and motivation. He also guides us on how to care for ourselves and mentally recharge in order to show up for others in need.
Now, we must reclaim focus on the other person. While in each session, make it a priority to pray for focus while listening to the person in front of you. Ask that God continually gives you a heart posture of servitude and love.
A practical reflection: asking “Who are you, and how can I serve you?” in each session.
Reaffirming the calling of a Christian leader/therapist
As therapists, we are called to serve with humility, presence, and genuine care. Anytime we feel ourselves going outside of that, it’s time to reflect and make a shift. We don’t have to be perfect, but we do have to be mindful.
I have an invitation for you to pause and reflect—Where might you be serving from self-focus rather than true service?
Don’t just read that. I challenge you to take some time to step away from your computer, phone, or whatever device you’re reading from. Take some time to reflect. It’s our duty as therapists to reaffirm our calling and make sure we’re doing the best we can.
Our calling isn’t just about us—it’s about faithfully showing up for the people God has entrusted to our care. Because in the end, it isn’t measured by how it makes us feel—it’s measured by how it transforms the lives we’ve been called to help.
