WP 94 | The Enneagram for Teens with Ainsley Britain
Using "The Enneagram for Teens" in Therapy: A Resource Guide for Therapists
"The Enneagram for Teens" by Ainsley Britain offers a unique and valuable tool for therapists working with adolescent clients. The book’s accessible format, engaging visuals, and relatable content make it an excellent resource for helping teens explore their identity and navigate their relationships. As Ainsley herself shares, the Enneagram is not just a personality test; it’s a map for understanding the motivations behind our behaviors, offering insight into our strengths, weaknesses, and the “why” behind our actions.
The Enneagram: A Brief Overview
As Ainsley Britain explains, "I like to use Beth McCord's definition where it's like a map or a guide or GPS, if you will, of who you are, the why behind your decision making and your strengths and weaknesses along those lines. It's not a personality assessment tool. It is the why behind our actions" Listen to the podcast. This perspective is crucial when introducing the Enneagram to teens, as it encourages them to explore the deeper motivations that influence their behavior, rather than just identifying traits or labels.
Tips for Using "The Enneagram for Teens" in Therapy
Introduce the Enneagram as a Tool for Self-Discovery: Begin by helping teens understand that the Enneagram is a tool for self-awareness. Encourage them to explore different types without feeling pressured to label themselves immediately. Ainsley advises, "I don't encourage teens to get concrete in their type. I like to tell them to explore it in these years... just learn more about all the different types" Listen to the podcast.
Use Reflection Questions to Facilitate Discussions: The book includes reflection questions for each type, which can be a powerful tool in therapy sessions. These questions can help teens articulate their thoughts and feelings, leading to deeper conversations about their experiences. Ainsley highlights, "My favorite sections are the ones that are like, okay, let's talk about the real-life applications... it can be very conversational, very relational" Listen to the podcast.
Incorporate Family Involvement: The Enneagram can be a great resource for families. Consider suggesting that parents and teens explore the Enneagram together. Ainsley mentions that her book, along with Beth McCord's "Enneagram for Moms," can serve as a comprehensive family resource Listen to the podcast. This approach not only helps teens understand themselves but also improves family dynamics by fostering mutual understanding.
Address Concerns About the Enneagram's Origins: Some clients or their families might express concern about the Enneagram's compatibility with Christian beliefs. Ainsley reassures that the Enneagram is a tool rooted in psychology, not in any ancient or religious practices. She points to Tyler Zock's work, which clarifies the origins of the Enneagram and affirms its safe use for Christians Listen to the podcast. Being prepared with this information can help alleviate any doubts and encourage open-minded exploration.
Apply the Enneagram in Various Settings: The Enneagram's flexibility makes it applicable in multiple therapeutic contexts. Whether used in individual therapy, family sessions, or group settings, the Enneagram provides a framework for understanding relational dynamics. Ainsley herself uses it in corporate coaching, illustrating its broad applicability Listen to the podcast.
Practical Advice for Therapists
As you incorporate "The Enneagram for Teens" into your practice, remember that your role is to guide teens on their journey of self-discovery. Ainsley Britain’s book is designed to be a conversation starter, not a definitive answer key. Encourage teens to be curious, to ask questions, and to see the Enneagram as a tool for growth rather than a box to fit into.
In closing, Ainsley offers a word of encouragement to therapists: "I just want to encourage therapists and say, your job matters. And I know that at the end of the day, you can go home and it's exhausting. And it's hard to not sometimes take on and take your work home. But I just want to say, I appreciate you and everything that you're doing. So keep going" Listen to the podcast.
By integrating the Enneagram into your therapeutic toolkit, you can help teens gain a deeper understanding of themselves and their relationships, equipping them with the insights needed to navigate the complexities of adolescence with confidence and clarity.
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Guest Resources
Find The Enneagram for Teens book and a free "find your enneagram type" flow chart here
The Enneagram for Teens: A Complete Guide to Self-Discovery and Spiritual Growth on Amazon
Links and Resources
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Podcast Production and Show Notes by Course Creation Studio.
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The Enneagram for Teens with Ainsley Britain | WP94
[00:01:53] Whitney Owens: Hi, I'm Whitney Owens. I'm a group practice owner and faith based practice consultant. And I'm here to tell you that you can have it all. Want to grow your practice? Want to grow your faith? Want to enjoy your life outside of work?
[00:02:06] Whitney Owens: You've come to the right place. Each week on the Wise Practice Podcast, I will give you the action steps to have a successful faith based practice while also having a good time. Now let's get started.
[00:02:38] Whitney Owens: Hello friends and thanks for hanging out with us on the wise practice podcast. I'm excited to introduce you to my new friend Ainsley Britton. She is the author, podcast host, and Enneagram coach, helping young adults embrace their confidence, date healthy, and discover their identity in Christ. With extensive training with Josh, Ship, She Speaks, and your Enneagram coach, she reaches young adults and spurs them on to healthy God filled relationships.
[00:03:03] Whitney Owens: Her husband, daughter, and pup live in Louisiana. Thanks for coming on the show today. Thank you for having me. Yeah. So, um, just to kind of share how we connected, there is a company that reached out to me and they reached out to me about different books. And honestly, some of them I care about and some of them I care less about.
[00:03:22] Whitney Owens: Um, when your mom came across on the Enneagram for teens, I was like, Ooh, that's so interesting. Instead of just posting about it, I would like to talk to her. And so we set up this interview. So so much for taking the time to be with us today.
[00:03:36] Ainsley Britain: Absolutely. I'm so thankful you're interested because a lot of, I think it's so fascinating.
[00:03:41] Ainsley Britain: Obviously I wouldn't have written a book about it, but I think some people don't get it. So anytime somebody gets it, I'm like, yes, you're my people.
[00:03:49] Whitney Owens: Yeah. Well, I tell people you can't know me for longer than 10 minutes without me asking about their Enneagram. So same, absolutely same. I love that. Yeah. Well, before we start chatting, why don't you kind of share a little bit about yourself?
[00:04:03] Whitney Owens: And then I kind of want to get into your story of how you were drawn into the Enneagram.
[00:04:08] Ainsley Britain: Oh, yeah, that's a really good story. Um, about myself, I feel like you've covered some awesome bases. I have been writing for as long as I, Can remember, I think when I was a senior in high school, I wrote my first book.
[00:04:24] Ainsley Britain: That is awful, but I was in my English literature class, like writing a book, you know, whenever I was done with my assignments and everything. So I think it was always a passion that I never even knew that I had. And I went to Belmont university and majored in mass communications and loved every second of that adventure.
[00:04:43] Ainsley Britain: And from there, my husband and I have lived in Nashville, New York city, Houston, And now Louisiana. So we're kind of all over the place doing all the things and it's been such a fun adventure.
[00:04:56] Whitney Owens: Wow. Do you move for his work?
[00:04:59] Ainsley Britain: So, it's been for different reasons. The Nashville to New York City was for his work.
[00:05:03] Ainsley Britain: New York City to Houston was because I couldn't handle it anymore. I was like, I need to be back in the South. I don't care where, anywhere below the Mason Dixon is fine with me. And then from Houston to Louisiana was for his job, which is just so crazy because he's not from here, but I am. And I left Louisiana as soon as I graduated high school and never looked back.
[00:05:27] Ainsley Britain: And so for me to be back home is just so unexpected. And I'm like, okay, Lord. You must have known that I was going to need help whenever I had a baby because he made
[00:05:37] Whitney Owens: sure that we were at home. And how old is your little one?
[00:05:41] Ainsley Britain: My daughter is two and a half and then we have one on the way. Congratulations.
[00:05:49] Ainsley Britain: Thank you. So we don't know who that is yet, but excited to meet them.
[00:05:55] Whitney Owens: That's right. That's right. Well, good. Well, we can definitely bond over following our passions and being mothers and all those things. Um, so I loved your book. And, you know, had some time to dive into it this week. And so the intro story, I always love how people find the enneagram and how it changes them.
[00:06:14] Whitney Owens: And so could you share your story? It's in the book, but I want to hear you say it.
[00:06:18] Ainsley Britain: Absolutely this is I mean, I just. I don't know where I would be if the Lord had not intervened right at that moment and shown me the Enneagram truly. So I had just gone through a very intense breakup. It was an abusive relationship that I write all about in my first traditionally published book that's called Don't Date a Boo Boo Dude.
[00:06:40] Ainsley Britain: And it is a funny title, but it does have some serious content because it's pretty much the approach that I use in communicating with young women On how they can get out of abusive relationships. So we keep it light, but it's a lot of serious content. So anyway, I write all about it there. And then, um, but, but the long and short of it is that I had just gotten out of that relationship.
[00:07:04] Ainsley Britain: I was at coffee with a friend and my friend was like, You should probably check this book out because I was searching for this closure, or I kept asking these questions of like, well, why was he like this? Why did I do this? Why was I like this? And I just kind of was wondering, how did this end? How did it happen this way?
[00:07:25] Ainsley Britain: And she was like, you should check out the any again, any agram. I think you might like it. It might answer some of your why questions. And sure enough, it absolutely did. It made me so happy. Me makes sense to me. And I literally looked in the mirror. I remember, and I thought, okay, God, I see that you didn't make a mistake.
[00:07:46] Ainsley Britain: I see that you were intentional with these things that you've given me these gifts, and I see how I can depend on you and these weaknesses. So it was such a huge moment for me in the Lord, because I finally felt like I understood, not that I understand him by any stretch of the imagination, but almost.
[00:08:05] Ainsley Britain: You know, I was just like, Oh, okay, Lord. I just see that you did this on purpose. I see, I see a little bit and it was amazing.
[00:08:15] Whitney Owens: Never
[00:08:15] Ainsley Britain: look back.
[00:08:17] Whitney Owens: Yeah. That's so beautiful. And I, and I hear you saying, I understood myself better and how great I am. But understanding the Enneagram. Yeah.
[00:08:25] Ainsley Britain: And what, what things that that guy had done that made me feel a certain way that was so toxic or so unhealthy.
[00:08:33] Ainsley Britain: And therefore what I did in response. And, you know, if I would have just gone to the Lord for X, Y, Z, instead of him, I wouldn't have had a codependent relationship.
[00:08:46] Whitney Owens: Yep. Well, you're, you're not alone.
[00:08:49] Ainsley Britain: Yeah, absolutely. I
[00:08:51] Whitney Owens: love that. I love that. Okay. And so why don't you kind of tell people just in case somebody's listening, they don't know what the Enneagram is.
[00:09:02] Whitney Owens: Can you tell them what it is?
[00:09:04] Ainsley Britain: Yeah, so I, I like to use Beth McCord's, um, definition where it's like a map or a guide or GPS, if you will, of who you are, the why behind your decision making and, um, your strengths and weaknesses along those lines. It's not a personality assessment tool. That is like, this is what you're good at.
[00:09:26] Ainsley Britain: And this is what you're bad at. We kind of know what we're good at and bad at. This is the why behind our actions. So if you and I. Let's say we're different Enneagram types. I'm not sure what yours is, but if we are different Enneagram types, let's say we go to a birthday party and we bring the same gift.
[00:09:43] Ainsley Britain: It's the motivation behind why we brought that gift that makes us different, even though we had similar actions. Well, why did we choose that one specific gift? Um, and that's the, the beauty of the Enneagram. And that's why I love it so much because it really gets so much deeper and, um, Yeah, that's what it is.
[00:10:03] Ainsley Britain: And in short, I could talk about it forever.
[00:10:06] Whitney Owens: Definitely. Definitely. And, and all the things you're saying, I totally relate into the way it helped me understand myself, helped me understand my husband and the way we interacted with each other. I understand my, I use it in my, with my clients, all of them. I use it in my hiring process at my practice, have a group practice here in Savannah.
[00:10:25] Whitney Owens: Um, and so I use it all the time with my consulting clients, all those things. So. It definitely helps us understand the box we're in, you know, and how, how we can get out of it. Okay, I'm going to ask you, yeah,
[00:10:36] Ainsley Britain: Morgan Cron says that. I love it.
[00:10:38] Whitney Owens: Oh, yeah. Yeah. Okay. I don't think you talk about this in the book and I would love to get your thoughts on this as kind of an Enneagram expert.
[00:10:45] Whitney Owens: I have a lot of Christians tell me that it's not Christian. I'm sure you've heard this. Yes. Okay. And how do you respond to that?
[00:10:54] Ainsley Britain: Okay. So first I'm going to tell you the best resource For this exact question, and that is Tyler Zock, he is gospel for Enneagram on, uh, Instagram. And I'm sure I'm sure his website is something similar, but he dives into the origins of the Enneagram.
[00:11:14] Ainsley Britain: He has a free download. He has. Oh, I bet I have that free download on my desktop because I. Reference him and his work so much. And he has an online course diving into the origins that's at tylerzak. com forward slash history. That's how much I talk about it. I memorize the URL. And if you use code Ainsley, you can get 50 percent off.
[00:11:37] Ainsley Britain: So that's the like incredible resource that I point everybody to because the, the rumor is that the Enneagram is this ancient practice and all of this stuff. But Tyler Zock has done so much research and he says, it's actually not ancient. It's actually more recent than that. And it began with this, um, Psychology is what the, the use of it was meant to be.
[00:12:04] Ainsley Britain: And it was not just one guy who started the whole thing. It was a few different psychologists that added these different aspects to the Enneagram model. The thing about it is that it is not scientific, but it is not demonic. It was not born from these, the monks in the blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And it was not born from, um, anything other than psychology, a psychologist mind and was like, Hey, this is what I think.
[00:12:36] Ainsley Britain: And I have observed over the years that these people are separated into these nine types. Um, so it is not demonic. Christians can absolutely use it. The Catholic church adopted it in the eighties and was using it in the church. Pretty. Frequently, um, so, so all of that to say, there's so many, like, details that Tyler's out goes into that.
[00:13:00] Ainsley Britain: I think are really relevant and important that I'm not going to he remembers the name and the dates and everything and I'm like, I have pregnancy brain. I can barely remember what day it is, but it's 100%. Safety use, you're not welcoming in any darkness and or anything like that. Whenever you're talking about the enneagram.
[00:13:20] Whitney Owens: Gosh, I am so glad I asked you that question because I mean, every time I talk about it, someone emails me and asks and says this and sends me all these resources and I'm like, I don't know what this stuff is, you know, so I'll be definitely checking them out. Um, okay, since I'm asking you questions, I'm going to ask you this 1 and I did and forgive me if I miss this.
[00:13:38] Whitney Owens: I read the book quick. Um, teenagers. And the enneagram yeah, did you address that in the book?
[00:13:47] Ainsley Britain: Um, I think maybe briefly, but not in depth. Look, I was just pulling up the, the should Christians use the Enneagram thing because I have the free download on my desktop. Okay. So, with teens using the Enneagram, I may have like, briefly brought it up, but I don't think I harped on it very much.
[00:14:05] Ainsley Britain: But here's the, the long and short of it is, is whenever you're a teen, you're not. Likely going to know your Enneagram type hard and fast you might so I'm not going to say that, you know, it's 100 percent impossible. Like, I mentored a girl all throughout her high school career and I knew from the her freshman year that she was a type 1.
[00:14:26] Ainsley Britain: I didn't say that, but she was so smart. So type one that you could not, I mean, she was just so stereotypical. Um, so anyway, I do think that it's possible to, to know your type at that age, but I don't encourage teens to get concrete in their type. I like to tell them explore it in these, in these years, in your teen hood.
[00:14:50] Ainsley Britain: Just learn more about, you know, all the different types, see which one you might feel most like, because then you can move towards the growth part of that and you can move towards and you can just kind of see, oh, I'm in a really hard place. Let me just try these things that are in the book to try and make myself feel better or resolve some type of emotion that I might be feeling distressed that kind of thing.
[00:15:15] Ainsley Britain: So I usually tell people don't get too Set in your type until you've been studying the Enneagram for man, a year at least. But I would also say after in college and that college age is usually a little bit safer to be like, oh, I'm self aware enough to know these things about myself. And this is seems to be my type, but I will say that my.
[00:15:40] Ainsley Britain: 16 year old sister. We were just at the beach and I have been dying to know her type. And, you know, I've had my guesses, but I didn't want to put anything on her. So I was like, read about these three types. Now the book is out and just see if you resonate with any of them. And she was like, I'm a four immediately.
[00:16:03] Ainsley Britain: So, she kind of knew right off the bat, and I will say that fours are typically the most self aware type. So, it kind of makes more sense that a four would identify quickly, but yeah, I don't tell teens. To get like, concrete in their type, but I do say, read this book, just learn about the enneagram see how people are in general.
[00:16:24] Ainsley Britain: It's just. Such interesting stuff. Mm
[00:16:29] Whitney Owens: hmm. Okay. You just told me something. I didn't know. I did not know that force were. The ones that have been the most insightful. That's, uh, and now I'm thinking about my girlfriend. That's a four and I tell her everything and she's so insightful. So,
[00:16:40] Ainsley Britain: and they're the most, and they're the most rare type.
[00:16:42] Ainsley Britain: And if you tell her that she'll love that
[00:16:45] Whitney Owens: she wants to be special. Okay, great. All right. So why don't you just kind of walk through the book a little bit. I mean, I think this is a great resource for therapists to be able to use with their clients, maybe parents that are listening to have teenagers. Yes.
[00:17:01] Whitney Owens: And I just also want to say what I love about your book is it's an easy read. Which is what teens need. I mean, it's for teens. It's got images. It's got blue font. It's, it's inviting. It's easy. You know, I feel like some books about the Enneagram can get complex. Um, so anyway, I'd love for you to just kind of walk through the books so people understand what the resource is.
[00:17:25] Ainsley Britain: Absolutely. I would say that this is something that is critical. Crucial for any family unit, any practice. I think it's just a great grab off the shelf resource to give, you know, to a client or to a parent of a client. So there's also want to say Beth McCord, who is who I'm certified under, she wrote the Enneagram for moms and that came out on the same day.
[00:17:48] Ainsley Britain: So I think, yeah, I think that christianbooks. com, they might even have a bundle Offer, but I do think that that this is such an amazing family resource that if you did want to do, you know, if you're a parent, um, and you have a team and you want to do something together, those, that little bundle would be great.
[00:18:08] Ainsley Britain: But as far as my specific book, we go through each 1 of the types, of course, and for our friends who don't want to read a full book to. Understand their type I do have a checklist kind of in the beginning of each chapter of, oh, you might be this type if and it's like a list of 10. so you can just kind of read through those 1st, and then be like, okay, let me narrow it down.
[00:18:31] Ainsley Britain: And then I'll read back. Deeper into the chapters, once I've narrowed down, maybe 2 or 3 of the types that you must relate with. And then there's examples. There's, um, core fear, core desire, wounding childhood message descriptions, the healthy to healthy, average and unhealthy levels, stress and growth paths.
[00:18:51] Ainsley Britain: Of each type, and then my favorite sections are the ones that are like, okay, let's talk about the real life applications. So we talk about getting along with that type, choosing a career with that type. What might motivate? And, oh my gosh, I wish I had that as a teenager. I probably would have, you know, realized it that much faster because hello, I was a senior in high school writing a book and it took me 10 more years to actually publish A book, you know, so I wonder if I would have had this if I would have known a little bit earlier.
[00:19:24] Ainsley Britain: Oh, that's you did that because you're passionate about that. Anyway, we also dive deeper into faith, the faith aspect in each type, um, each type in love, each type with family and friends advice for your type. A letter to each type and my favorite, the reflection questions that you can go through together.
[00:19:46] Ainsley Britain: You can go through with your client. You can go through as a family and it doesn't have to be this serious sit down thing. It can just be like, Oh, especially if you're doing it along with your teen or something along those lines, it can be like, I learned this about my type recently and I cannot believe that is so accurate.
[00:20:05] Ainsley Britain: Or I didn't know that about myself. Have you learned anything about your type? Lately. 'cause this is crazy, you know? And it can be very conversational. Very relational.
[00:20:57] Whitney Owens: Yeah. I, I love how you said it's, it's a resource, you know, that it can be used absolutely. Used in a lot of different ways. And I'm even thinking about, um, churches or, you know, yeah.
[00:21:06] Whitney Owens: Therapy, small groups or, you know, coaching programs for teens to go through the book together would be a really great idea.
[00:21:13] Ainsley Britain: And lemme tell you, the most common place that I personally use the Enneagram. I do the most coaching with corporate, um, events or like teams. Like you said, you might use it for hiring.
[00:21:27] Ainsley Britain: That is huge. And that's how I use it the most. That's when my coaching practice is like, I, of course the individuals, I see couples, but. More than anything, I go to these companies and I'm like, if you have a coworker that you that gets on your nerves, I'm going to tell you why. And immediately people are like, yes, please tell me and it creates this harmony in the workplace.
[00:21:53] Ainsley Britain: That might have been missing before. And the thing is, is that this book is, Enneagram for teens, but really what it should be titled is like. The Enneagram basics, or like 101 intro to the Enneagram, because that's really what it is, is that it's there's some examples that are a little bit young and, you know, the career thing is definitely targeted towards teens, but everything else is just general Enneagram knowledge.
[00:22:20] Ainsley Britain: So, we do dive deeper into well, I think of the Enneagram like a cake, because I don't like onions. And I think of it as levels and how it kind of builds on each other. And so not only do we just cover the basics and the 1st, 2 layers of the cake, but then we go deeper into the triads and the subtypes at the end where you're like, okay, this is kind of confusing.
[00:22:43] Ainsley Britain: So I'm just going to read through those few pages over and over and over. And then, of course, I have some. More homework and a ton of other resources for books and authors and thought leaders that are even more, you know, qualified and have been in this field a lot longer than I have in the back as well.
[00:23:04] Whitney Owens: Yeah, you, you've explained it so well, and that's that's great. As a reader was the experience I had reading the book because I've read lots of books and I shouldn't say I've read lots of books. I've read a few books. Um, my husband is actually a certified enneagram. Teacher, he got the if you're familiar.
[00:23:22] Whitney Owens: Yeah, I think it's Peter Wagner. I'm remembering correctly. Yeah. Um, so he kind of teaches me all things enneagram. Um, so, as I was reading the book, I was thinking, oh, this is an easy read. It explains it. Well, I don't have to think too much, you know, because the enneagram can make your mind kind of. Um, so yeah, but even when I read my type, there were two or three like things that I was like, whoa, like that's really helpful.
[00:23:48] Whitney Owens: And I wrote it down. And as soon as my husband woke up that morning, I was like, sit down, honey. Let me tell you what I just learned about myself. You know? And he looks at me, he's like, yes, that's you. Yeah. So it's, It's also got a little bit of depth and parts, you know, even though I know a lot about the Enneagram, I still learned something new.
[00:24:05] Whitney Owens: And so I appreciated that about it and going into those depths at the end that you were talking about with more of the subtypes. I love all that stuff.
[00:24:11] Ainsley Britain: Me too. That's whenever I really nerd out, but there is some nuance to it, like to the, you know, tri types and all of that stuff. So I do think That you do have to allow for some of that, but I also think you have to allow for that in life.
[00:24:27] Ainsley Britain: So I'm perfectly fine with that. But I know that's a little bit harder to grasp for 1s and 5s and 8s, um, the nuance kind of thing, but just, you know, no, 1 owns the Enneagram. It's not like Myers Briggs, where it's set up as this big company, and they can go in and invest in our research and development and all of that.
[00:24:47] Ainsley Britain: So it's very much an, a lived and experienced kind of. Understanding or thought resource, but I do think it's the most accurate 1 out there. I know that I'm a little bit biased, but that's why I'm bias is because I've learned them all. I've I've I'm obsessed with personality assessments, obviously. And so this 1 was the 1 that I feel like is the most accurate to the human experience and the why behind our actions.
[00:25:15] Whitney Owens: 100 percent and, you know, I'm a therapist. I went and got a master's in counseling. I learned about personality assessment along with a lot of other assessments. And I, I guess I didn't say my story earlier, but, um, so my husband and I were in Denver. We, he was a student at Denver seminary, getting his master's degree and I had heard of the Enneagram, like the word and didn't really know just, you know, kind of like you kind of mentioned in the book a little bit, like, what's that word mean?
[00:25:40] Whitney Owens: This is weird. Okay. So my husband works in the library, and all the counseling students would come in and get the Enneagram book. And he was like, what's this all about? And he's a 5. so, of course, he's like, what's this about? I'm reading the book. Oh, yeah. Yeah, and he was doing ministry as well at the time, and was kind of struggling to figure out how do I do ministry?
[00:25:59] Whitney Owens: What is. This look like with my personality type. So the enneagram just opened it all up. Like, oh, this is why I'm this way as a minister. And I don't have to be like, the 2s and 3 ministers out there. Like, I'm a 5 minister and that's okay. And here's my skills. So, he comes to me 1 night, he comes home from from the library or wherever he was sitting on the sofa and he says, Whitney, I want to tell you about the enneagram and I think you're a 1.
[00:26:24] Whitney Owens: What's that mean? He said, you have a critical voice in your head at all times telling you the world could be a better place. And I said, yes, don't you? He's like, yes, I do. I thought we all had this voice. It was like, no, honey, that's just you. And I was like, oh no, this is my fate. You know, and that led me down the train of understanding myself.
[00:26:47] Whitney Owens: And of course it opened up a bunch of things for us in our marriage. Um, but yeah, it's. It's game changer, you know, and going back, you were talking about using it corporately here when we're interviewing people for their job. And I know you would probably say the same. It's not like we're hiring based on a type.
[00:27:03] Whitney Owens: You really hire based on your ability to take a test and gain some insight about yourself. Like, can you understand yourself and can you acknowledge it? And once we had somebody take the test, she came back as a two. And she wrote the longest email about why she wasn't really a 2 and how she, she, she didn't take things personally.
[00:27:22] Whitney Owens: And she didn't really, she only served for others and not for herself. And just all this stuff. I was like, whoa, like, you can't take feedback. You're not going to be a good therapist.
[00:27:32] Ainsley Britain: Right. And I'll and 2s. I, I believe twos have the hardest time accepting their type because it is so hard. I'm a two, so I can say that from experience, but my father in law's a two.
[00:27:45] Ainsley Britain: So my mom is a one. So I know all about the one life. Well, I know all about all of them, but from personal experience, my mom's the one, my father in law's a two. He wet. When he read about being a two just wet because it's extremely hard growing up feeling like you are selfless and that you do try and do things for others and then being turned the mirror and it's saying, but you do, but you're doing this for yourself.
[00:28:12] Ainsley Britain: But you're doing this for acknowledgement, but you're doing this out of the wrong motivation. It is such a slap in the face and a punch in the gut where you're like, I was, and I am. Oh my goodness. No, how do I change that? What do I do? I'm a bad person. This whole time. I think I'm such a great person. I'm really a bad, you know, so that's the narrative that might go through that to his mind.
[00:28:34] Ainsley Britain: And in fact, I had a friend. The other night at the book launch party, she goes, I'm not sure that I'm a 2. I feel like I'm more of a 7 and I was like, twos hate being twos. So let's just sit with this thought because I behave like a 7, but I am a 2. I want to be a 7 so bad. Let me just tell you. I want to be a 7 so bad.
[00:28:57] Ainsley Britain: But the truth is. I'm not, I may behave like a 7 because it's in my try type, but I am a 2 because of the core fear and the core desire. So that is something to even consider and think about as you discover your type is get into the deep work of it. Even if it's a hard pill to swallow, and if you're between a few types, it's usually the 1, the 1 that makes you the most uncomfortable.
[00:29:24] Ainsley Britain: That's your type.
[00:29:24] Whitney Owens: Yeah, I appreciate you sharing that story about 2s. I encounter a lot of 2s because they become therapists.
[00:29:32] Ainsley Britain: Lots of counselors. Yeah.
[00:29:34] Whitney Owens: Yeah, you know, I had always thought that 6s were the ones that had the hardest time reading their type because they. Their anxiety is like, in their face.
[00:29:43] Ainsley Britain: Yeah, they, I think that 2s have the hardest time accepting their type. 6s are usually pretty aware of their, like, of their anxiety. So they're like, yeah, that's me. Whatever. You know, yes, I have anxiety. Yes, but, and they'll focus on the bad of their type too much. And so I try to make sure that 6s, if I'm talking to a 6, which is over 50 percent of the population or 6s, um, I always say, um, Focus on the good.
[00:30:12] Ainsley Britain: Let's focus on the fact that you have your funny sixes have the best humor, usually out of all the types. Sixes have lifelong friends. They are every anytime I see someone that's like, Oh, I have friends from kindergarten and first grade and second grade, I'm like, You, you got some six in you if you're not a six, because you hold on to your people.
[00:30:34] Ainsley Britain: And that is a really awesome attribute. So I try and focus on the good of sixes.
[00:30:41] Whitney Owens: Well, that's I love it. I love it. All right. So this podcast is for faith based therapists, you know, starting growing their practices. Do you have any advice or thoughts to give to them? It could be about the program. It could just be something in general about for therapists.
[00:30:56] Ainsley Britain: Gosh,
[00:30:57] Ainsley Britain: well, I do want to say that I think
[00:31:02] Ainsley Britain: your job is so tough and it's so hard and it's so, of course, rewarding. But I know as someone who's been to therapy almost my whole life, how valuable it is. Cause my mom was a therapist. So obviously anything goes wrong. She's like, okay, we're getting you into therapy. She's like, oh, the girl in seventh grade was mad, was mean to you.
[00:31:24] Ainsley Britain: Let's go talk to a counselor, which I love. And I'm so thankful for. So, Hey, I just want to encourage therapists and say, your job matters. And I know that at the end of the day, you can go home and it's exhausting. And it's hard to not sometimes take on and take your work home. Um, but we just. I just want to say, I appreciate you and everything that you're doing.
[00:31:44] Ainsley Britain: So keep going. Um, and I hope that this is one of those tools that helps you help your clients understand themselves and yourself better so that you can put up the right boundaries that are needed, um, for your own mental health.
[00:32:03] Whitney Owens: Yeah. Oh, I appreciate you saying that. And that part's so important. I, a few years back, it was during COVID, my husband and I did an Enneagram training for therapists.
[00:32:13] Whitney Owens: And that was one of the things we talked about was understanding who you are within the Enneagram and how that impacts your work with clients, how you're showing up in the room, you know, and then for, for me also understanding my client's Enneagram type helps me understand the dynamic we're playing out in the therapy room.
[00:32:30] Ainsley Britain: 100%. And, and the thing about ones that I'm thinking of is that solutions come so easy to you. Solutions are just like, Oh, well, X, Y, Z. And I do this with my own mom. I'm like, mom. I'm just trying to vent. I don't even, I already know the solution, but I just want to complain about it a little bit. So it's hard for her to compute that and be like, oh, okay, then what am I doing here?
[00:32:56] Ainsley Britain: This is kind of a waste of time. Shooting the breeze and I'm not trying to help you get to a practical solution. Um, so it's just funny how her knowing her type, she immediately knows that now she's like, okay, do you need a solution? Or are you just talking to me?
[00:33:15] Whitney Owens: I do have to ask people that sometimes, but yeah, when I started out as a therapist, this was pre Enneagram for me and.
[00:33:23] Whitney Owens: I was all about solutions. It was the person's been in. I have to have a plan. I have to have it organized and I got to get them out the door knowing that they're okay. And I have to change the world one person at a time, by the way.
[00:33:34] Ainsley Britain: Yeah. Oh, absolutely. Yeah,
[00:33:38] Whitney Owens: absolutely. And so, you know, really growing into my own, realizing that really, I have no answers.
[00:33:43] Whitney Owens: I'm just sitting with people in their pain and it's a beautiful thing.
[00:33:46] Ainsley Britain: Yeah, absolutely. I love that.
[00:33:49] Whitney Owens: Well, this has been excellent. I love it. I love chatting enneagram. So, um, we're going to have the show in the show notes, the link to the book. So it's the enneagram for teens. So make sure that you check that out.
[00:34:00] Whitney Owens: Um, is there anything that you want to make sure to mention that we missed that you've got going on that you wanted to share?
[00:34:05] Ainsley Britain: Oh, man, I would just love to connect with anyone on Instagram or, you know, just send me a message or an email. I'm at Ainsley, be there or info at ainsleybritton. com for
[00:34:17] Whitney Owens: any,
[00:34:17] Ainsley Britain: any chats.
[00:34:19] Whitney Owens: Great. And so, and you do Enneagram coaching, correct? I do.
[00:34:22] Ainsley Britain: Yes. And it is not therapy. Uh huh. That's awesome. Just coaching. So a lot of people misunderstand that and they think that they're going to sit and tell me about their life for an hour. And I'm like, I'm actually going to be talking for most of the time.
[00:34:37] Ainsley Britain: Um, so yes, I do coaching for individuals, couples. Companies, all of those, um, all of those different types. And my website is Enneagram with Ainsley B for all of that information. Love it.
[00:34:52] Whitney Owens: Well, thank you for taking the time to be on the show. This has been a fun interview. I'm really excited about jumping into this resource, uh, the gospel for the Enneagram, you know, I did not know about that.
[00:35:02] Whitney Owens: So I'll be sharing that with people in your book and appreciate you taking the time to come on the show.
[00:35:07] Ainsley Britain: Thank you so much for having me.
[00:35:29] Whitney Owens: Special thanks to Marty Altman for the music in this podcast. The Wise Practice Podcast is part of the Sitecraft Podcast Network, a collaboration of independent podcasters focused on helping people live more meaningful and productive lives. To learn more about the other amazing podcasts in the network, head on over to sitecraftnetwork.
[00:35:48] Whitney Owens: com. The Wise Practice Podcast represents the opinions of Whitney Owens and her guests. This podcast is for educational purposes only, and the content should not be taken as legal advice. If you have legal questions, please consult an attorney.
